In 2010, in that forum, I was challenged to make a 3D short. It was a format I had never played with before and I have never been so frustrated and so inspired at the same time. From start to finish, I spent 172 days obsessed with building this animation and learning everything I could. Then came the day I published it.
My online-world and real-life worlds had just crossed. I had my first and *knock on wood* only panic attack. I was terrified that my friends and family would think that what I had had so much fun building, devoting my time to and surrounding myself with online “strangers” over, was dumb.
I was truly shocked when all but one person supported me. Having that one “friend” make fun of me over the whole thing this time didn’t make me stop. It still hurt and I still took it very personally, but I didn’t stop because of it. This was a small turning point.
Then it aired.
And I survived!
I kept coming back to the thought of “I failed in front of millions of people and lived. What do I have left to fear?” And I truly believe that, that failure was the best thing that could have happened. I learned more about myself than I think I would have learned even if everything had gone well.
Shortly after that, the company which I had been at for the last 9 years, laid off all but 2 people. It had been a remote design job that fit me pretty well. Being an “older” female in the design/tech field – it was not easy to get interviews but I went on a few and I just couldn’t shake the nauseating feeling that my soul would die in an office environment, sitting at a 9-5 desk again.
Shortly after that, the company which I had been at for the last 9 years, laid off all but 2 people. It had been a remote design job that fit me pretty well. Being an “older” female in the design/tech field – it was not easy to get interviews but I went on a few and I just couldn’t shake the nauseating feeling that my soul would die in an office environment, sitting at a 9-5 desk again.
He supported me. (Like I said he is an amazing person!)
I am now doing what I love and I have to be my own advocate. I have to work with strangers at every job and I have to be in direct contact with the “client”. I have to manage people and I get to teach people. I have to cold call! I still have my fears, but it’s getting easier and easier to push past them.
Last week I went to my first networking meeting and I had an absolute blast!! It is amazing how following your heart and having good people around you can change the perspective of everything.
I am still learning and I am late, but I feel I have finally arrived at myself.